PINKBUNNIESLIPPERS

I started reflecting....
I hate when blogs start like this but...I started reflecting on, well, me. Looking back at the good, bad and ugly. I realize while I have been lucky in many ways I felt the sting of "unlucky" barbs zapping me too. I am lucky my Mom is here and we are close but I did lose my father at age 3. I never knew him and it makes me cry. I hear stories (very few for various reasons) and he just seems like he was a sweet and endearing man. I was in a wedding once and an older gentleman came up to me and said "I knew your father. We called ourselves the Croation Cowboys". He then proceeded to tell me funny cute stories ending with the "he was over the moon when he met your Mom"... He was so happy to finally settled down and start a family. They got married and had a Marchi band play at the reception, bought a house, had my sister. Then came me. At the same time my Dad kept going to the Dr's for a growth on his face. In pictures as you see me starting to walk you see my father weaker and weaker. My Mom insisted he wasn't told he was dying as getting better was all he was living for. To see "his girls" grow up. She used to go to the basement to cry over his pain so he wouldn't see or hear her. I have an intense hatred/fear of basements to this day. As best we can put together while he was in the Navy on the ships he developed skin cancer. Never treated properly he finally passed away in '69. My sister has his smile and my nephews looked like mirror images of him as a boy. My Grandparents passed away a long time ago and my uncle passed away this summer. I have a thread of an extended family left living. I fought cancer myself and won (the good) but can not have children (the bad). I live each day hoping I am making my father proud and giving my mother some comfort and love. That is my big picture.